he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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my being single is dangerous.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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So much rum. So many feels.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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