mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
