found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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