I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
