kristin has been a bad kristin
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My ass is underappreciated
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
