I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
