I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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