I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
