Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
