His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
