Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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