school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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