New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
