Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
