the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
