Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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