Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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