Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
