god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
