he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
