Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
