i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
