Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
