how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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