11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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