Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize