Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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