bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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