If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
