Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
