I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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