i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
