and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
