the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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