One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
