its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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