and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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