dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
