So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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