I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
