just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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