I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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