My nipple is on Facebook.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need moral support for this bender
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
