On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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