respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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