$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
