At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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