I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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