sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
