So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you win again, gameday.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
