That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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