OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
