It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
