wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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