I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
