so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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