Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
