We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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