Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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