sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
