im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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