so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
