I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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