I heard we made out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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