drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
