just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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