If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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