listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?