chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win