how can u be prego again
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
