New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize