Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
