It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
