the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
