You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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