Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
