Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
