I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
