His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
