Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
